Being in the wrong job can cause it.

Or the wrong relationship.

The loss of a loved one, a friend, your health or your job.

What is it about people who can overcome getting stuck in a rut?

They still have hope without which severe depression sets in. 

They have a plan – or ten plans if that’s what it takes – to pick themselves up and find their way back.

They have courage to admit a mistake, a series of mistakes, relationships that are toxic or other things that contribute to being bogged down in unhappiness. 

They know that it’s not “if” but “when” they will figure things out because “if” is only a possibility but “when” is an actual time of arrival.   

No one can be bogged down and lost if they believe that whatever is wrong is temporary. 

Today, remind yourself that your greatest problem is only temporary, that you will survive it and be back on top again.

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Can you imagine a boxer betting on his or her opponent instead of themselves?

Well, maybe yes – that’s called a fixed fight.

And that’s what people do to themselves – bet on failure instead of success.

Betting on you starts in the mind – I can, I will, I have done, I will do.

Absent are words like can’t, won’t, maybe, not sure, no way.

Place your bets.

On you.

It doesn’t cost anything.

It’s a sure thing.

And don’t waste time trying to get someone else to bet on you.  It’s nice, but it’s not as effective as when you believe you will succeed.

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When things go our way it’s easy to exude confidence.

When they don’t, we tend to overthink, overreact, focus on what we think is wrong – in other words, we rehearse failure thoughts.

• Focus on what’s right even when something goes wrong. The first time I was on television I hosted a local Wednesday Night Movie on camera.  When the show ended, I went off TelePrompTer and said “Tune in next Tuesday for the Wednesday Night Movie.”  I was convinced that ad-libbed screwup was the end of my TV career early on but it was only the beginning because I left out the part that I really did well.
• Confidence comes before actions–If you believe something good will happen, it is more likely to happen. If you don’t, you often have to take what you will get.
• Believe in you – If you won’t, who should?
• Keep IOUs handy – (this is my favorite) Every time you have a success of any kind, type it into your smartphone notes and carry it around with you. At least once a day scroll through and remind yourself of how awesome you are instead of waiting around for something to sap your confidence.

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Studies show fear of speaking ranks higher than the fear of death.

Maybe that’s because speaking in public is a slow death to those who have not mastered the art.

• Speak on only that which you have earned the right to speak about or participate in a team group.
• Don’t try to be a public speaker or imitate one – it will end in disaster. Be yourself, authentic.  Some of the best speakers are soft spoken or quirky and it works if that’s their personality.
• Open and close with a prepared comment but use an outline to speak conversationally about the topic. Do you enjoy watching a person read a speech to you?
• To be really effective, think of your talk as a gift that you are presenting the audience.Know what that gift is.  Put it in your own words along with the excitement that comes from sharing something you know the audience will like.
• Warm up the audience if possible by walking through and greeting as many people as you can before your talk. If you can you will have that many people pulling for you.
• Look the audience in the eyes – nothing is more effective than looking at the people you are talking to.
• Finally, keep it short and end on a positive note.

Scared speakers usually are also short on self-esteem so instead of practicing your talk over and over again, practice reminding yourself why you are qualified to speak on this subject.

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Do something new every day.

Studies confirm that the brain becomes more engaged and creates positive pathways when you do something new every day – it doesn’t have to be big, but it could be as long as it is new.

Talk to someone you don’t know.

Take a different path to where you’re going this day. 

Break habits by creating a new one even just one day. 

Keep a log on your phone because it’s even invigorating to scroll through your new initiatives.

Emmy-winning TV reporter and cancer survivor Lu Ann Cahn has written “I Dare Me”about how she rebooted and recharged her life.

It turns out getting unstuck is as simple as doing something new – anything. 

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My friend Robert Fox recently put together a list of qualities about what is involved in developing a friendship.

1. Compatible personalities
2. Shared values
3. Respect
4. History
5. Warmth and affection (the most essential)

No clicks, likes, follows or texts alone can substitute for the qualities that contribute to a lasting relationship.

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Let’s be honest here, there is no magic formula for fixing a day gone wrong.

But there are options, good options.

Here are my 5 best.

Hit restart – work hard to push the bad luck out of your mind and make a clean beginning. 

Divert your attention to someone worse off than you (i.e., you may be getting a bad case of the flu, but what about the person who has 3 months to live?).

Get with the person who makes you happiest and let them do their thing while you vow not to bring them down.

Recall a previous day that went beyond your expectations as a way to balance your current bad day with a really good one. 

And the one thing that has never failed – get your mind off of you for the rest of the day and totally on someone else. 

Our egos often help to make a bad day worse, so eliminate the ego.

Tomorrow will be better.

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The TV detective Columbo was a shrewd but rumpled detective who wore a shabby raincoat, smoked cigars and seem inept to the suspects who committed a crime.

He seemed stupid at times, asking questions – pausing and asking one more almost as if to confirm that he was not very bright.

It’s the other way around in life, people who talk to show you what they know are actually wasting time that could be used in listening and getting smarter.

I worked for a radio program director named Paul Drew who used to put a sharpie in his mouth (not recommended) after he pummeled me with endless questions.

One day I said, “Chief, why are you asking me this? You already know it.”  His reply was “You’re going to make me smarter if I listen and keep my mouth shut.”

You’ve heard the saying that God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we ought to listen twice as much as we speak.

Even better, ask questions, don’t make statements and you will outsmart the many people who can’t.

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Self-confidence comes from achievements not talk.

People who are very successful are often full of themselves but we tolerate it because they have achieved something important and/or made a lot of money.

But money is not a marker for confidence.

We believe in the pilot of our flight to get us to our destination safely.

What if the pilot didn’t have the same belief?

In our lives if we don’t or for some reason won’t believe in us, why should we expect anyone else to?

And once we have secured the confidence in our abilities, no one can take them away.

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In the digital age friendships are being reduced to short texts, quick calls or social media’s dispassionate engagement and that’s not helpful.

Face time in person focused on the other person is the better goal.

Any person who makes focused time for you is worth keeping. 

A person who brags about how many friends they have doesn’t need at least one of them – you.   

A disagreement between the right people with the goal of resolving it is an opportunity for an even richer friendship.  A pearl is created from the irritation of sand. 

Friends who fail to stay in touch on a regular basis are not only busy but not available to be friends. 

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