No means no – it’s the best defense for protecting boundaries.

No should probably be used more often.

Yes means I agree and I will do what I have promised.

It’s easy to make a promise based on intent.  The trick is to deliver on the promise which then makes you effective.

The two most effective tools any of us have are the ability to reject or accept – that’s when we discover our hidden power.

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My students always sit in the same seat they become accustomed to sitting in from the first day of class.

I make the same walk to class every day.

Head to the same coffee shop on the way.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

Discovery begins when we consciously disrupt our routines – even the ones we like – in the quest for new ones.

How can we expect a more interesting life when we refuse to take a few risks?

Break one routine a day and stimulate the ability to discover new and fascinating things.

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The best advice is no advice at all.

When someone asks for advice, they just want you to hear them – to listen without judging or making it about you.

And be careful when youseek advice that you are just looking for a friend who will hear you out.

Advice isn’t about wisdom, it’s about the willingness to listen.

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You learn the ability to listen.  It is rarely inherent.

As a society we all talk too much – pounding it out on digital devices, creating videos, even older adopters who have fallen in love with Facebook risk falling into the trap of making it all about them.

The secret to better relationships is better listening skills.

Without interruptions.

“Mansplaining” is the term women attribute to men who interrupt them, finish their sentences and expect to be heard above all else.

Focusing on the other person’s lips when possible or on the sound of their voice when listening remotely helps improve comprehension.

Don’t interrupt.

Don’t always add in your version of what the other person is talking about.

Try to summarize what you’re hearing (i.e., “so if I am hearing your correctly you are saying…”) 

Try to recall the most important thing you’re hearing at the end. 

The easiest thing in the world is also the most difficult – to gain the benefits of being a good listener resist the temptation to do the talking.

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Embrace change.

It’s going to happen anyway.

The quickest way to become irrelevant is to push back against inevitable change because like it or not inevitable means unavoidable.

We resist and get a reputation for not being on board.

Sometimes we react and find ourselves squarely mired in the status quo.

Looking a bit further ahead, wouldn’t it be useful to be an agent of change where you could have a real say in how change comes about?

Life is a pendulum swinging from one set of values, ideas and conditions all the way to the other extreme passing through the middle.

We see it in politics and it’s available for us to respond to in critical areas of our lives.

Change is a good thing especially when we’re part of it.

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The answer to rejection is “thank you”.

It’s one person’s opinion even if that person is very influential or is in a position to kill an idea on the spot.

It’s not possible to be successful if you’re going to accept rejection.

So, there are several ways to approach it:

1. We live among other people’s failures all the time. Aerosmith’s “Dream On” was not the only record launched and re-launched to become a hit because it didn’t catch on right away.  Sometimes it takes people more time to see what you see.
2. If we seek approval over conviction, we’re watering down our ideas to gain acceptance.

The best approach to a naysayer is “thank you for not seeing the value of my idea or my person” and that’s one way to guarantee that our best instincts are unaffected by those who cannot yet see our dreams.

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In her acceptance speech for winning an Oscar for Best Original Song, she said:

“There’s a discipline for passion, and it’s not about how many times you get rejected or you fall down, or you’re beaten up. It’s about how many times you stand up, and are brave, and you keep going.”

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The lack of time is the same as a lack of priority.

Busy is not an excuse, it is a window to what is important in your world.

If children matter, they become a priority and the time takes care of itself.

Couples often realize that they have let their relationships slip when they wind up in a counselor’s office to discover the things that have become more important.

When we work too much, it’s not that we don’t have enough time for everything, somehow our priorities have changed.

An unwillingness to put our phones away and relate to people face to face is not about time, it’s about the addiction to something that gives immediate satisfaction and has somehow become more important even though it eats up precious time.

There is always enough time when priorities are in their proper order.

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Research shows that putting genetics aside, we have the ability to be 40% happier by conducting intentional activities such as a daily regimen of practicing gratitude.

I’ll bet you thought I made that 40% number up, but it’s true – gratitude is about as potent as genetic factors that make us happy.

So what if we start today?

Compliment the first person you see today who has earned it (and provide evidence to show your words are sincere). 

Write a compliment on your lunch or dinner tab expressing gratitude for good service.

Leave a note for a loved one expressing your thanks for something they did.

At work, be the one who appreciates their associates and cite evidence to prove it.

Don’t get out of bed in the morning until you can name 5 people you are thankful for and why (they can be the same people every day, it’s up to you).

Be thankful for you – your personality, your essence, your mind, your heart – don’t skip over gratitude for the fine person you are.

Happiness is not just a fleeting feeling but the residue of living a life of gratitude.

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An Australian hospice nurse kept a list of the regrets among her dying patients.  Here they are in order.

1. I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

Notice spending time at the office or work did not make the list.  Nor did anything about making money.

What a gift it would be for us today if we re-read the above list, took it to heart and made it our lifelong commitment to personal happiness.

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