As a Dale Carnegie instructor, I often used this list to summarize the many benefits of becoming skilled in excellent human relations.

Focus on one phrase and when you’ve mastered it, move on to the next until you have made these 7 principles part of your life.

The SIX Most Important Words: “I ADMIT I MADE A MISTAKE”

The FIVE Most Important Words: “YOU DID A GOOD JOB!”

The FOUR Most Important Words: “WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?”

The THREE Most Important Words: “IF YOU PLEASE”

The TWO Most Important Words: “THANK YOU!”

The ONE Most Important Word: “WE”

The LEAST Important Word: “I”

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Trying to win a person over by being someone you’re not will leave you with an empty feeling.

After all, if they like you – the real you – then you have plenty more where that came from.

Even if you gain the approval of one person by catering to them, which you shows up for the next person?

There is only one you.

It’s good enough as is – only you get to decide how to make it better.

The people who are admired most are those who are comfortable in their own skin. Who knows it isn’t important to make everyone like them – just respect them for being unique.

First seek your own approval and you will find many fans who like you as you are.

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Being compatible is not the key ingredient to a happy relationship.

Seeking out a kind person is according to a new study by Michigan State of 2,500 couples who have been married about 20 years.

Who knew? Certainly not online dating apps that aim for bringing people together based on what they have in common.

Instead of “what do we have in common” it is “are they a nice person”.

Shared interests, personality traits and similar interests had little to no impact on relationship happiness.

As it turns out we’re looking in the wrong place for the right partner.

Compatibility is not what makes the heart grow fonder, it’s making a life with a kind person.

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Jennifer Lopez freaked out after giving one of the worst performances of her life on her It’s My Party tour a few weeks ago.

Clogged sinuses. She accidently hit herself in the face with a microphone causing blood to drip down her face.

Fiancé Alex Rodriguez provided comfort telling her the audience wasn’t looking at a few missed steps, they were there to appreciate her beauty and her voice.

Perfection is the goal but no human is capable of it 100% of the time.

Trying for perfection is one thing.

Expecting it is something else.

How often do a few missteps deprive people of the satisfaction that comes from working hard to be the best?

Keep expectations low and motivation high – the secret to real achievement.

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The New York Times reported July 7 that panicked parents have begun hiring “screen time” consultants to get their children unhooked from their addiction to phones and digital devices.

$80 to $250 an hour. Eight to ten sessions.

The problem is all the “no phone” pledges and attempts to pry the devices out of children’s hands are fruitless as long as parents continue to set a bad example (at dinner, while watching TV, taking calls instead of focusing on others, at the beach, at sporting events – this list is endless).

You can’t wean someone off an addiction without replacing it with something better – more healthful and positive.

It’s like a morphine drip for those in pain after surgery – take another hit, get relief.

Teachers can ban phones from the classroom or engage students more with each other in real time.

Parents have no chance getting a child to put away the phone as long as they continue to be unavailable and not focused on the present.

To conquer phone addiction, brainstorm the ways to get you or others to crave something healthier.

Not possible?

It was there before the iPhone was invented. Rediscover real time.

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Doing more about stress and anxiety causes more stress and anxiety.

Anxiety means that we’re on overload – more young people than ever before suffer from anxiety today.

Do less.

Make fewer plans.

Simplify.

Disconnect as much as possible.

Take 80% of the things that stress you out and do only 20% of them.

Even trying to reduce anxiety causes more anxiety.

Anxiety can’t be conquered.

It must be eliminated one stressor at a time.

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According to a Gallup poll, the second thing that we fear the most is public speaking.

Snakes are first.

Some surveys put the fear of speaking ahead of the fear of death.

Heights, being closed in a small space, spiders, insects, needles, mice, flying, dogs, thunder and lightning, crowds, going to the doctor and the dark scare us less than getting up on our feet and speaking in public.

Yet we have to make presentations, interact with others in a group and can’t always avoid speaking in front of others.

I taught public speaking for years and this is what worked the best:

• Know the topic or material — earn the right to speak about it.
• Do exactly what you do when speaking to just one person.
• Look into their eyes.
• It never works when you try to be someone else such as a “public speaker”.
• Low voice, no problem. People will listen more intently to hear you.
• Forget what you were going to say, easy – review something you previously said and it will come to you.
• Put yourself in the audience’s place, put them at ease because the way you talk to them is the way they encourage you.
• And my favorite – think of you as giving those listening to you a gift (or humor, information, encouragement, etc.) and deliver it in your own way.

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A friend in college was very close to her aunt who had cancer.

I visited with her at Hahnemann Hospital in Philadelphia, a subway ride away from school.

It was emotional, painful for everyone but through it all this woman never complained. She bravely fought even at the end.

When she died, my friend, Marilyn, consoled her loss by doing something meaningful.

She allowed her aunt to live on through her by adopting her aunt’s ability to see suffering of all kinds as transformational.

Those who mean a lot to us in life can live on when we adopt their best traits and live them forward.

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Why do we have trouble naming all the things that are good about us and no trouble reeling off a list of our faults?

Conditioning? Upbringing? Loss of confidence?

Every time we can we insult ourselves, we need no enemies.

Don’t say can’t. Or won’t. Don’t accept criticism from anyone (help, yes and that is very different).

To believe negative thoughts is to give them a louder voice.

Focusing on the negative guarantees more of the same.

Accentuate the positive (I can, I will, I’ll learn, I won’t quit, my best is yet to come) and suddenly all things are possible.

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When a major athlete gets a big contract, it doesn’t mean that they will do their best work.

A recent comparison chart in sports pages of The New York Times confirmed that guaranteed money doesn’t buy guaranteed performance.

And tenured college professors are arguably not better than ones who have to earn their place from contract to contract.

Seeking certainty is not as effective as pursuing excellence.

Uncertainty is your friend.

While no one is making a case for insecurity, guaranteed outcomes seem never to be guaranteed.

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