We now spend more than four hours a day on our phones on the average.

That’s two fewer hours than the six hours we sleep.

And when all types of screens are added in, we spend most of our day on digital devices instead of living in the present 100% focused on that time.

If that’s acceptable – and it is to many – you don’t have a problem.

If not, it’s time to recognize that the phone is not going to turn itself off, it’s time to take control.

No social media (or at least reduce it because that time is a black hole).

Don’t hold your phone or put it on the table nearby – research shows you will peek at your messages.

Eliminate texting except for specific purposes – the best way to eliminate it is to make a phone call and you’ll probably conclude you don’t need texting.

Check your posture, it’s getting worse as we bend over to use our phones.

Charge your phone well away from where you sleep. If you use it as an alarm clock, buy a $10 clock at CVS.

Phones and children don’t go together. It’s parents hanging on to their phones who teach their children how to ignore them and those around them.

A phone is a tool and not a lifestyle.

If Steve Jobs, the mastermind behind the iPhone, put a strict limit on his childrens’ screen time, the inventor of this wonderous device was telling us something.

You control the phone – not the other way around.

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It’s easy to get caught in the past reliving what went wrong one more time.

But the real question is where do we go from here?

The past is history – history we can learn from but not obsess over.

The future presents all our opportunities but spending too much time on what hasn’t yet happened can leave us fantasizing about what might have been.

But what about today, tomorrow – where are we headed now?

Lost in the past, hurt by mistakes or anxious to get another crack at living the life that only you can live?

Forgive, but don’t forget.

Remember but don’t obsess.

The only thing that matters is what’s next.

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It doesn’t take a course in human relations to know how to get someone to like you.

Recognize them anytime you can.

Give the praise backed by evidence to prove what you’re saying isn’t just meaningless flattery.

Giving credit to others.

Letting them share in your success.

Deflecting praise from you to them sincerely.

Making it about them not you even when you may deserve the attention is how admiration turns into respect.

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On a flight from Minneapolis to Philadelphia recently only one flight attendant working as a team with another was doing all the work.

The other was on her phone texting and scrolling through social media inflight. She was not deadheading. She was supposed to be working.

The flight attendant doing all the work didn’t seem to be bothered, but in the end, even she sat down and pulled out her phone making it two distracted flight attendants on a two-hour flight.

There are digital distractions everywhere.

You can let it irk you or let it serve as a reminder of opportunity.

Being able to focus on the needs of others at work, at home and in relationships where others are increasingly distracted means advantage to you.

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When the other person said “does that make sense” without waiting for my response, that’s when I was finally convinced.

The world is filled with people who talk and very few who actually listen.

Therefore, developing good listening skills when everyone else is talking gives you the advantage.

Few are born with these skills, but they can be easily acquired with a little determination.

Ask questions, don’t start playing can you top this?

Learn to repeat what others are saying (“so if I am hearing you right, you’re saying…”).

When you speak, the first thing that comes out of your mouth should be compassion (example: “that must have been scary”, etc.).

Offer no advice because people don’t want advice. They want to be heard and they want compassion.

This makes you a special and powerful person in a world of people screaming for attention.

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May and June are typically graduation months.

Students move on, move out and hopefully move up to which they aspire.

What a great time for the rest of us (non-students) to think about our graduation.

Getting stuck in a job even if it is to keep a roof over your head is standing still, not moving on to better things.

Graduating students are optimistic, exuberant and yes, fearful about their futures but the educational system forces them to move on and move into the next phase of their life.

Getting stuck in a job you don’t like will not get better until you graduate to something else.

Study the possibilities.

Do the homework – what new skill sets will you need.

Set a deadline.

The great majority of people who are tired of their jobs or fearful of losing them would rather wait until fate or the company decides to take action.

The better way is to look for alternative options now and anticipate a future that you have control of before others determine your fate.

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You (not me)

Proud (like in I’m proud of you)

That must have been difficult (compassion not advice to people who are hurting)

Can

Will

Never give up

Words matter. Negative words create a narrative of future failure. Every time you say them you are rehearsing a bad outcome.

Powerful words motivate, inspire and reward to create a path to happiness and success. They are better than any pep talk that has ever been given because they are real, relevant and reminders of all that is good in people.

Choose your words carefully.

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Craig Berube was fired as the coach of the Philadelphia Flyers hockey team a few years ago after subsequent years of kicking around as a minor league coach, NHL assistant coach and longtime tough guy who recorded far more fighting minutes than goals scored.

After the Flyers, Berube couldn’t find another hockey job so he became an analyst and eventually took a job once again as a minor league hockey coach in the St. Louis Blues organization.

Suddenly in January, he got called up to replace The Blues coach who was fired and Berube became the Interim coach. Translation: we’re not sure that you will be the coach next year but you can have the job for now.

In that time, Craig Berube found himself an excellent young goal tender, taught the Blues players to believe in themselves and play for each other putting personal ego aside (and yes, Berube inherited some talented players who had the reputation of playing for themselves).

In an unlikely chain of events, the Blues who were in last place when Berube took over as Interim Coach, started winning. They made the playoffs. Actually knocked off some teams that would have been unthinkable months earlier.

They made it to the Stanley Cup Finals against the Boston Bruins and took the series to the seventh and deciding game.

In a storybook ending, The St. Louis Blues and their “interim” coach won hockey’s biggest prize.

Craig Berube became the rare coach who actually won a Stanley Cup.

The difference between failure and success is often the unwillingness to stop trying. Not only did Berube have that in his blood but infused his players with the same no quit spirit.

Success often comes right after things couldn’t get any worse – if you refuse to give up.

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More than half the day is spent on digital devices.

Previous generations used to limit the amount of time children were able to watch TV.

Today, it’s not TV, it’s screen time, homework on iPads and social media, You Tube and video games.

Why is it so easy to binge watch on Netflix but not binge on spending time interacting with each other in person?

Even if you want to stop, Netflix rolls the next episode before you can reach for the remote.  And it’s not just streaming video, it’s video games and social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter).

But there is a way to balance binge watching video and no, it does not mean turning the TV off.

Commit to spending the same time you binge watched shows last night with face-to-face contact with people you love or who make up an important part of your life the next day.

This way, the black hole of digital distraction can inspire the warmth of real time relationships guilt-free.

For example, offset two hours of watching half-hour episodes of You’re Dead To Me (Netflix) with two hours of face-to-face and 100% totally present (no phones or distractions) with a living, breathing, loving person you care about.

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What is considered a good batting average in Major League Baseball?

Between .250 and .275.

Very good batters hit .300 or above.

A batting average of .400 over a season is thought to be impossible in today’s sport.

That means a good baseball player succeeds only about 25% of the time failing 75%.

A very good player enjoys success 3 out of 10 times but fails 7 out of 10.

And virtually no one will succeed at the plate in this sport over an entire season even 40% of the time.

Yet we focus on batting 1.000 every time we do something or else we’re tough on ourselves.

How about this?

Shoot for 1.000 in effort, 25% success, 75% failure upon which you will get another try at it.

And stop killing ourselves for being human.

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