Jennifer Lopez freaked out after giving one of the worst performances of her life on her It’s My Party tour a few weeks ago.

Clogged sinuses. She accidently hit herself in the face with a microphone causing blood to drip down her face.

Fiancé Alex Rodriguez provided comfort telling her the audience wasn’t looking at a few missed steps, they were there to appreciate her beauty and her voice.

Perfection is the goal but no human is capable of it 100% of the time.

Trying for perfection is one thing.

Expecting it is something else.

How often do a few missteps deprive people of the satisfaction that comes from working hard to be the best?

Keep expectations low and motivation high – the secret to real achievement.

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The New York Times reported July 7 that panicked parents have begun hiring “screen time” consultants to get their children unhooked from their addiction to phones and digital devices.

$80 to $250 an hour. Eight to ten sessions.

The problem is all the “no phone” pledges and attempts to pry the devices out of children’s hands are fruitless as long as parents continue to set a bad example (at dinner, while watching TV, taking calls instead of focusing on others, at the beach, at sporting events – this list is endless).

You can’t wean someone off an addiction without replacing it with something better – more healthful and positive.

It’s like a morphine drip for those in pain after surgery – take another hit, get relief.

Teachers can ban phones from the classroom or engage students more with each other in real time.

Parents have no chance getting a child to put away the phone as long as they continue to be unavailable and not focused on the present.

To conquer phone addiction, brainstorm the ways to get you or others to crave something healthier.

Not possible?

It was there before the iPhone was invented. Rediscover real time.

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Doing more about stress and anxiety causes more stress and anxiety.

Anxiety means that we’re on overload – more young people than ever before suffer from anxiety today.

Do less.

Make fewer plans.

Simplify.

Disconnect as much as possible.

Take 80% of the things that stress you out and do only 20% of them.

Even trying to reduce anxiety causes more anxiety.

Anxiety can’t be conquered.

It must be eliminated one stressor at a time.

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According to a Gallup poll, the second thing that we fear the most is public speaking.

Snakes are first.

Some surveys put the fear of speaking ahead of the fear of death.

Heights, being closed in a small space, spiders, insects, needles, mice, flying, dogs, thunder and lightning, crowds, going to the doctor and the dark scare us less than getting up on our feet and speaking in public.

Yet we have to make presentations, interact with others in a group and can’t always avoid speaking in front of others.

I taught public speaking for years and this is what worked the best:

• Know the topic or material — earn the right to speak about it.
• Do exactly what you do when speaking to just one person.
• Look into their eyes.
• It never works when you try to be someone else such as a “public speaker”.
• Low voice, no problem. People will listen more intently to hear you.
• Forget what you were going to say, easy – review something you previously said and it will come to you.
• Put yourself in the audience’s place, put them at ease because the way you talk to them is the way they encourage you.
• And my favorite – think of you as giving those listening to you a gift (or humor, information, encouragement, etc.) and deliver it in your own way.

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A friend in college was very close to her aunt who had cancer.

I visited with her at Hahnemann Hospital in Philadelphia, a subway ride away from school.

It was emotional, painful for everyone but through it all this woman never complained. She bravely fought even at the end.

When she died, my friend, Marilyn, consoled her loss by doing something meaningful.

She allowed her aunt to live on through her by adopting her aunt’s ability to see suffering of all kinds as transformational.

Those who mean a lot to us in life can live on when we adopt their best traits and live them forward.

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Why do we have trouble naming all the things that are good about us and no trouble reeling off a list of our faults?

Conditioning? Upbringing? Loss of confidence?

Every time we can we insult ourselves, we need no enemies.

Don’t say can’t. Or won’t. Don’t accept criticism from anyone (help, yes and that is very different).

To believe negative thoughts is to give them a louder voice.

Focusing on the negative guarantees more of the same.

Accentuate the positive (I can, I will, I’ll learn, I won’t quit, my best is yet to come) and suddenly all things are possible.

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When a major athlete gets a big contract, it doesn’t mean that they will do their best work.

A recent comparison chart in sports pages of The New York Times confirmed that guaranteed money doesn’t buy guaranteed performance.

And tenured college professors are arguably not better than ones who have to earn their place from contract to contract.

Seeking certainty is not as effective as pursuing excellence.

Uncertainty is your friend.

While no one is making a case for insecurity, guaranteed outcomes seem never to be guaranteed.

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Most people know exactly what they want.

They don’t always listen to it or accept it.

They don’t need an elaborate master plan – they already know.

The problem is a lack of action and too much overthinking.

More emphasis on pushing the start button.

That’s why we call doers doers. They know that action is as important as planning because without it nothing ever changes.

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The pursuit of money will not get you money and if, along the way, the pursuer believes it does, that feeling is fleeting.

So, what are we supposed to do, not try to earn more, make more, accumulate more?

It’s been proven again and again – study any successful person and confirm – that pursuing excellence is a faster and more rewarding path to riches.

Accomplishments, happiness then remuneration.

The world is full of people looking in the wrong place for their futures.

Find something you are really passionate about doing pursuing excellence.

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We now spend more than four hours a day on our phones on the average.

That’s two fewer hours than the six hours we sleep.

And when all types of screens are added in, we spend most of our day on digital devices instead of living in the present 100% focused on that time.

If that’s acceptable – and it is to many – you don’t have a problem.

If not, it’s time to recognize that the phone is not going to turn itself off, it’s time to take control.

No social media (or at least reduce it because that time is a black hole).

Don’t hold your phone or put it on the table nearby – research shows you will peek at your messages.

Eliminate texting except for specific purposes – the best way to eliminate it is to make a phone call and you’ll probably conclude you don’t need texting.

Check your posture, it’s getting worse as we bend over to use our phones.

Charge your phone well away from where you sleep. If you use it as an alarm clock, buy a $10 clock at CVS.

Phones and children don’t go together. It’s parents hanging on to their phones who teach their children how to ignore them and those around them.

A phone is a tool and not a lifestyle.

If Steve Jobs, the mastermind behind the iPhone, put a strict limit on his childrens’ screen time, the inventor of this wonderous device was telling us something.

You control the phone – not the other way around.

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