Taking No for An Answer

So, what would happen if the next time you hear “no”, you don’t accept it and try one more time?

Achievers don’t take no for an answer.  It’s not in their vocabulary.

They are allergic to no and try repeatedly until they get closer to what they want.

How willing are you to pay the price for the reward?

Persistence is making your own good luck.

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The Key to Forgiving

Always forgive others because you need to forgive them more than they need to hear it.  Do it for yourself.  Let the anger go.

But forgiving does not mean forgetting.

At the same time remember the good people in your life who helped you become you.

Forgive offenders for your sake.

This is the key to forgiveness.

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When Your Boss Criticizes

People who criticize are not teaching, they are exercising their power over you.

There is no such thing as constructive criticism. That just gives license to have at you, again, to exercise power and control.

If a teacher taught his/her students by criticizing them when they were wrong, they would stop learning.

Criticism is never acceptable either to give or receive, but we’re in a world where it is easy to do and to do it impulsively.

People respond to help, information, encouragement.

Criticism does not have one advantage.

Let no person criticize you and if it’s your boss or someone you can’t repel, label it as criticism in your own mind if you have to hear it.

Then erase it from your mind and get to a better place.

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Why We Say “Can’t” So Much

Why would anyone use this word if they really wanted to succeed?

And yet we use it constantly – many times a day on the average.

Sometimes we mean it as “I don’t want to” instead of “I can’t handle it” but saying this word as much as most people do simply programs our brains to cause anxiety.

Drop the “t”.

Can’t is limiting.

Can creates possibilities.

But here’s the thing.  By being aware of one word, you can be less negative and more positive.

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Bryce Harper & Giving Up

The Phillies spent $330 million in the off season to sign slugger free agent Bryce Harper.

Harper’s season got off to a slow start and the fans (I know, Philly fans) came down hard on him.  This loss of faith is repeated everywhere from other cities, sports and companies.

What’s strange is how people give up on other people when they are in a slump or down on their luck.

But Harper didn’t.  He’s known for coming alive late in the season in a meaningful way.

Life isn’t all batting 1.000.

No one gets to super-perform every day.

For every streak, there is a rough patch.

The key is when others give up on you, double down on your confidence knowing that it’s only a matter of time to win again if you believe in yourself.

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Always Go First

People don’t want to go first.

At a wedding, no one wants to be the first on the dance floor.  After someone else gets up, the other dancers follow.

At dinner, if the room is quiet, it tends to stay quiet unless and until a number of conversations raise the decibel level.

In the classroom, the majority of students wait for someone else to raise their hand first.

The thing is going first is good for you.  Following others trains us to wait, overthink, create needless fear.

Next time, seize the opportunity.  It’s a way to practice building confidence for when you really need it.

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No One Really Wants Advice, They Want a Listener

No one really wants advice.  What they really want is someone to listen to them, hear them out with judging.

But we call it advice because we want to get the other person’s attention and no one can resist giving advice.

If we can allow the other person to express their feelings, we are becoming an active listener and that’s a person who is valued even more than the one that has all the answers.

Repeating.  Restating. Waiting for the other person’s response.

The best gift you can give is listening to what that person has to say.

No judging.  No problem solving.

They want your ear and they want you to hear.

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Goal Setting

Fred Rogers (Mister Rogers) defined three basic things as most important for children in life that also very much apply to adults.

  1. Helping people feel good about themselves
  2. The ability to get along with others
  3. And appreciate the world around us

Love who you are and how unique you may be.

Learning to play well with others is a goal rarely pursued by adults although it is just as important.

Appreciating the world around us is difficult when that world’s focus is a smartphone.

Looking for happiness and fulfillment is hard to do without being skilled at mastering Mister Rogers’ three most important things in life.

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Hitting “Restart”

Who says we only have one life to live?

The divorcee married the third time – happily– isn’t believing it.

The fired executive left unemployed and without hope doesn’t believe it when they get a better job for more money and more satisfaction.

Friends who reconnect after not valuing each other become friends for life.

When lives are without purpose and meaningless, hit restart.

But here’s the thing.

Living your new life by burying yourself in the past will not yield better results.

The question is:  are you ready to move forward from today on without litigating the hurts and travails of the past.

If so, you just hit “restart”.

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The Fear of Failing

We’re just too hard on ourselves.

No one wins all the time.

It’s not how many times you succeed, it’s still trying when the right moment comes along that matters.

Fear of failure is the worst fate of all because no one can give it to you unless you believe it.

Even failures are rehearsals for future success.

Would you tie your own hands behind your back knowingly and willingly?

That’s exactly what we do when we constantly fear failing.

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