My young college students almost to a person want to reduce the time they spend on their phones – they know it’s hurting them.

Americans check their phones 144 times a day and in one class of mine students debated how long they spend on their phones per day – the answer, 4 to 5 hours including social media and gaming.

But to understand them better, it’s hard to disconnect because they fear they will lose touch with their friends and loneliness is a big issue.

5 hours a day is 1,825 hours a year on the phone alone – that’s 76 days or two and a half months a year.

The short answer:  cut what is not necessary, keep what is important.  Take control.

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A recent Wall Street Journal piece says “Research shows that we are overconfident in our beliefs but underconfident about being heard.  So, we compensate by being loud.”

Soft spoken people are among the most riveting public speakers but they often see their soft-spokenness as a disadvantage.

The trick is not to be loud or quiet but to be yourself – the real measure of inner-confidence.

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The struggle is to understand why we sometimes have too little confidence.

The search becomes all-encompassing and self-directed.

Seeking more confidence by obsessing about not having enough rarely works.

Empowering others is palpable, an instant confirmation that your actions can make a difference.

The next time you need a jolt of confidence, ask this:

What can I do to make someone else’s day better?

Feeling the power to do good is a confidence builder.

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Elisabeth Kubler-Ross devoted her life to help the dying – here’s what she learned:

“The most beautiful people we have ever known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.  These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.  Beautiful people do not just happen.”

Adversity is what helps shape our best selves – something to keep in mind as struggles occur.

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As we celebrate Juneteenth to commemorate the emancipation of enslaved people in the US, this inspiration applies to everyone:

As Booker T. Washington said: “If you want to lift yourself up, lift someone else up.”

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It’s not the number, it’s the reason they are considered friends.

The share of Americans reporting 10 or more close friendships decreased from 1990 to 2024, while the number reporting no friendships increased from 1 to 17 percent according to Gallup.

Why am I friends with that person – what joy do we share, what interests?

How did they earn being a friend – was it a social media add or something more significant?

In work we tend to keep in touch with people who may be friends or just acquaintances so the key is to be able to state specifically why a person is a valued friend of yours.

This bumps them up to the forefront of our busy lives and helps us cherish the relationship.

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People play the lottery expecting to win – they’re so optimistic that they bet money on it.

The odds are always against them, but never mind.

It’s difficult to bet on ourselves when we often harbor thoughts of not succeeding.

Looked at another way:  Betting on you is more of a sure-thing than buying lottery tickets.

The payoff is greater when we expect ourselves to succeed with the same optimism we believe we’re going to hit the lottery.

And it’s cheaper.

If you can believe your longshot odds every time you buy a ticket, you can believe in yourself every time you need confidence.

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“I’m so swamped” and similar complaints is turning out to be a cry for help according to new research from the University of Georgia business school.

Talking about how busy we are tends to backfire – I do it and I hear it a lot from contemporaries and my young college students so this study caught my attention as a good Daystarter.

It has a “spillover” effect – it fosters burnout in those around us.

Today I am thinking rather than saying how stressed or busy I feel, prioritize life instead.

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The average American wastes 2½ hours a day dreamscrolling – searching for dream purchases or things they fantasize about owning one day.

That’s 873 hours a year – more than a full month of their life out of touch with reality online.

And in a recent OnePoll survey, of those daydreamers one in five say they spend between three and four hours a day multitasking while working.

There’s dreamscrolling and then there is doing research for a planned purchase – often two different things.

One of the biggest issues today is loneliness – the kind that is self-inflicted on digital devices.

Being mindful of the amount of time wasted in a non-productive way is a first step in putting the time to better use.

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One of my students came up to me after class and shared that he felt lonely and removed from others socially because everyone is so engaged with their phones and social media.

Here’s what I told him:  Take small steps, break out of your private pattern, engage others.

Specifics:  Take a front seat in the classroom, be among the first to raise your hand and volunteer to respond, talk to someone on the way in or out of the room and when walking outside, look at someone else and smile at them.  Simple.  Small steps.

By the end of the semester, he said he was feeling more confident and enjoying being able to be first to engage others who seemed very appreciative.

Everything we need to make us happy and less isolated is already within waiting inside us to be awakened.

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