Count the Cant’s

If you changed every can’t you say in the next hour to can, your life would be transformed.

Suddenly the new default setting is “possible”.

And then, you start expecting to achieve.

Saying “can’t” instead of “can” is self-inflicted failure.

The way we talk to ourselves matters.

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Finding Confidence

Turning to others for that which should come from within you rarely works.

Confidence comes from believing in yourself.

When a sports team wins game after game, they believe they can’t lose.

When they are on a losing streak, they believe they can’t win.

Outsourcing confidence to a friend, loved one or associate is not as effective as focusing on what’s good about you.

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Guaranteeing Success

All the best plans mean nothing, if you don’t begin now.

Delay is the enemy.

Planning is important but absent a “start button” success will remain elusive.

Identify the next step and act.

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Changing Others

Yes, it can be done in ways that are so simple.

The first ten people you come in contact with this morning smile at them.

Most people are now bent over with their faces buried in their phones and they are usually not smiling.

A smile is like a yawn.

Ever notice when someone yawns, you automatically yawn, too.

When you smile, it is hard for others to resist smiling back and it can change a moment, a day or even begin to change a relationship.

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Dealing with Rude

It seems more acceptable to tolerate rude behavior because it can be delivered through text messages, email and social media.

It’s a lot harder to take liberties in person or on the phone.

Just because someone can hit send and hurt you does not make it right.  Nor does it mean that you have to be a willing partner to this type of behavior.

There are answers.

When someone puts their phone on the table, expedite the meal and move on.  That person is not able or willing to focus on you in person.

When receiving a hurtful message that you suspect was sent too quickly without thinking, reply “I don’t understand. Explain”.  That forces a more thoughtful response that may also include an apology. 

Being left out is hurtful, when it happens again move on and put your energy and personality where it is desired.

When someone pushes your boundaries, push back and stop it immediately.  Stopping verbal abuse has the positive effect of building self-esteem.

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Winning Cooperation

One word of praise backed up by evidence (to show it’s not just flattery) gets more cooperation than asking for what you need, a word of criticism or pressure.

When people receive sincere praise they are more likely to be open to the needs of others.

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Getting the Best of Stress

There are two main causes of stress.

Fear and worry.

Fear is not rational.  Most fears never become reality.  Expose fear as an accelerator of what probably will never happen.

Worry is based on real circumstances that can be mitigated by eliminating the fear factor.

Most of the things that cause stress are worst case scenarios gone wild.

Focusing on best case outcomes goes a long way to putting stress in a more manageable place.

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Finding Yourself

To find yourself, lose yourself.

Break the mold.

Take a different path.

Let go.

The irony of getting back in touch with what you want, who you want to be and where you want to go requires less searching and more losing yourself in the myriad of possibilities.

Letting go of the search opens doors.

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Waiting and Worrying

Waiting is the multiplier of stress and anxiety.

Whatever the concern, the longer the wait for resolution, the more intense things get.

Waiting for an outcome can rarely be accelerated.

Do, don’t stew to keep anxiety from making an uncomfortable situation worse.

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Good Days

  1. Think of three things or people you are thankful for before getting out of bed.
  2. Don’t postpone joy.  Take time to celebrate each and every thing that makes you happy when it happens.
  3. Get rid of a bad mood by taking the focus off of your problem and help someone with theirs.
  4. Never let someone with a negative mood take your mood hostage.
  5. Happy days aren’t automatic.  It takes focus on things that create them.

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