Relationship Happiness

Being compatible is not the key ingredient to a happy relationship.

Seeking out a kind person is according to a new study by Michigan State of 2,500 couples who have been married about 20 years.

Who knew? Certainly not online dating apps that aim for bringing people together based on what they have in common.

Instead of “what do we have in common” it is “are they a nice person”.

Shared interests, personality traits and similar interests had little to no impact on relationship happiness.

As it turns out we’re looking in the wrong place for the right partner.

Compatibility is not what makes the heart grow fonder, it’s making a life with a kind person.

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Perfection

Jennifer Lopez freaked out after giving one of the worst performances of her life on her It’s My Party tour a few weeks ago.

Clogged sinuses. She accidently hit herself in the face with a microphone causing blood to drip down her face.

Fiancé Alex Rodriguez provided comfort telling her the audience wasn’t looking at a few missed steps, they were there to appreciate her beauty and her voice.

Perfection is the goal but no human is capable of it 100% of the time.

Trying for perfection is one thing.

Expecting it is something else.

How often do a few missteps deprive people of the satisfaction that comes from working hard to be the best?

Keep expectations low and motivation high – the secret to real achievement.

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Digital Detox

The New York Times reported July 7 that panicked parents have begun hiring “screen time” consultants to get their children unhooked from their addiction to phones and digital devices.

$80 to $250 an hour. Eight to ten sessions.

The problem is all the “no phone” pledges and attempts to pry the devices out of children’s hands are fruitless as long as parents continue to set a bad example (at dinner, while watching TV, taking calls instead of focusing on others, at the beach, at sporting events – this list is endless).

You can’t wean someone off an addiction without replacing it with something better – more healthful and positive.

It’s like a morphine drip for those in pain after surgery – take another hit, get relief.

Teachers can ban phones from the classroom or engage students more with each other in real time.

Parents have no chance getting a child to put away the phone as long as they continue to be unavailable and not focused on the present.

To conquer phone addiction, brainstorm the ways to get you or others to crave something healthier.

Not possible?

It was there before the iPhone was invented. Rediscover real time.

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Eliminating Anxiety

Doing more about stress and anxiety causes more stress and anxiety.

Anxiety means that we’re on overload – more young people than ever before suffer from anxiety today.

Do less.

Make fewer plans.

Simplify.

Disconnect as much as possible.

Take 80% of the things that stress you out and do only 20% of them.

Even trying to reduce anxiety causes more anxiety.

Anxiety can’t be conquered.

It must be eliminated one stressor at a time.

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Speaking in Public

According to a Gallup poll, the second thing that we fear the most is public speaking.

Snakes are first.

Some surveys put the fear of speaking ahead of the fear of death.

Heights, being closed in a small space, spiders, insects, needles, mice, flying, dogs, thunder and lightning, crowds, going to the doctor and the dark scare us less than getting up on our feet and speaking in public.

Yet we have to make presentations, interact with others in a group and can’t always avoid speaking in front of others.

I taught public speaking for years and this is what worked the best:

• Know the topic or material — earn the right to speak about it.
• Do exactly what you do when speaking to just one person.
• Look into their eyes.
• It never works when you try to be someone else such as a “public speaker”.
• Low voice, no problem. People will listen more intently to hear you.
• Forget what you were going to say, easy – review something you previously said and it will come to you.
• Put yourself in the audience’s place, put them at ease because the way you talk to them is the way they encourage you.
• And my favorite – think of you as giving those listening to you a gift (or humor, information, encouragement, etc.) and deliver it in your own way.

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