Missing a Loved One

There are two good ways to cope with the loss of a loved one.

The first is don’t rush grief.  Well-meaning people will say “be strong” and try to divert your hurt but grieving takes as long as it takes to grieve.  The pain lessens but the loss is always felt.

The second is make the person you lost live on through you.  Take their best quality, the one you love the most about them, and adopt it – make it your life’s goal so it lives on through you.  Remember them as if they are still here because in many ways they are.  Laugh with them and love with them again.

It doesn’t make sense to overcome grief if that means to let what you liked about them so much die.

When you chose specific ways for that person to live on through you, it helps with the pain and brings happiness back.

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  • Thanks for the advice Jerry. I have also read and reread the Seven phases of grief. What you wrote is another take on what I already have been using or doing. Keeping busy is really important and taking everything in stride. I have not been mad. Probably we were so much alike. Guess that happens when you almost reach 58 years of marriage. thanks again.
    burt burdeen

Being Heard

At work, how many times have you known in your heart and mind that your bosses or associate’s idea is all wrong and won’t work?

Fight it and you get what?

Pushback.

Get more emotional, they dig in deeper.

To win a disagreement – at the very least to get yourself heard – resist rejecting their idea before you present your alternative.

Being against something never works.

Be for something as an alternative and do it skillfully.

Here’s how ..

  1. Don’t initially respond to what you don’t agree with, clearly state another idea as an add-on (“hitchhiking on your idea, what if we did this” and insert a view of your own).
  2. Ask questions, avoid making statements.It’s the human condition to want to buy and not be sold and that applies to ideas, suggestions, projects, problem solving, etc.
  3. Avoid criticizing the other person’s ideas – they will blindly defend them anyway and you will be seen as the problem.
  4. Some people are incapable of listening to the input of others and often these are superiors who somehow see their job as doing all the thinking.In that case, compliment every time they give you a chance to contribute (“it’s good of you to throw this open for differing views”).
  5. Find something to like about the prevailing person’s idea(s) even if you hate most of it or you can be sure they won’t even listen to yours.

Unfortunately, brainstorming and problem solving are confused for power.

If the person running a meeting can’t be open to the ideas of others, then you can impress by being open to something they said.

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Getting Your Way

Always ask questions.

Don’t make statements.

Get the other person to tell you what you want so badly to tell them through the use of questioning.

(This is a professor’s secret – the more you can get students to ask questions about that which you are preparing to teach, the more engaged in the subject they become).

Being open to opposing views is the advantage you have over those who know it all.

Getting your way is earned by encouraging others to have their say.

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Defeating Triggers of Stress

Prioritize rather than multitask – Multitasking increases anxiety.

Take control of your phone – You control it, it doesn’t control you.

Refuse to worry all day – pick a time, say between 8-8:15 pm and limit the damage.

Reject pressure to succeed – focus on giving 100%, no more, no less.

Deflect the anxiety generated by others right back to them – these are not your burdens.

Trying to be liked and accepted is not as effective as liking and accepting yourself.

Giving up control is the only way to truly be in control. 

Worrying about money doesn’t make you more of it.

Gratitude for little things brings instant serenity. 

To bet against yourself is a losing proposition 100% of the time – confidence comes from assuming you will prevail.

Put fear of failure in its place – out of your head.

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Staying Young & Relevant

Those who study the brain including the Mayo Clinic physician Amit Sood understand the importance of trying new things.

Being open to that which is not routine for us.

This helps our brain, lifts our mood but the reason we like to keep things the same is for convenience and fear of failure.

Try a new walk, a new run, a new exercise

A different way to get to work

An entirely different lunch

Meet at least one new person every day breaking the ice first

Write your next email in a way so different it doesn’t even look like your email

Give a decision you can make to someone else

Let the waiter/waitress choose the best of the menu and even if it disappoints, it will invigorate your ability to live life in the present.

We often think of changing jobs, partners, houses or apartments and other things to break out of the monotony of daily life.

So go ahead, Give someone you don’t usual praise a sincere compliment with the evidence to back it up. 

The fountain of youth is our ability to try something new.

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  • Jerry, tremendously inspirational!