Working Together

If I pull you by the hand but you pull in the opposite direction, we’re both in a tug of war going nowhere.

If I stand still and you pull me by the hand, you won’t be going far without more cooperation from me.

Offering no resistance is not cooperation.  It’s not working together.

In business and in relationships, we think we’re cooperating when we offer no resistance but as you can see from the above example, that’s not working together.

Working together is when two or more people agree to move in the same direction together preferably at the same time.

That’s why more emphasis should be placed on winning over people you need on your team to emphatically and enthusiastically go in the same direction.

Working together is agreeing to move in the same direction and then doing it.

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Don’t Postpone Joy

Even when things go our way, we could do a better job of savoring the moment.

Fast, connected living prevents us from fully appreciating the good things that happen.

We move on too fast.

In fact, we tend to spend more time on things that irritate us than on things that bring great joy.

All the books, TED talks, podcasts and pep talks are useless unless we don’t postpone joy.

Nail it?  Enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Proud of your children?  Don’t rush the great feeling of pride and happiness.

To be tough on yourself or others affects joy.

Enough good things happen to everyone – even people in stressful situations – to make a conscious attempt not to postpone the critical feeling of joy in our lives.

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Running Out of Time

My biological clock is ticking.

I either get a promotion or my career is over. 

I’m 31 and I haven’t found the love of my life. 

I’m retiring and I’ll love it (but will I?). 

I have already lived move years than I have left.

The feeling of running out of time has nothing to do with age.  It’s about feeling pressure that time is passing us by.

No one knows how much time they have.   If they’re a teenager, they just assume it’s a long time between high school and old age, but sadly even young people can’t count on that.

Mid-lifers are pressured to raise a family and keep their career going.  They tend to look at time as the number of years they have left to maximize earnings.

Older folks can point to the actuarial tables but today people live unusually long lives given a few health breaks.

When the feeling of running out of time creeps up, double down on what you have this minute – today.

That’s all anyone can count on.

The fear of running out of time is just a lifetime of bad guesses that are not worth making.

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Bouncing Back from Failure

When it’s happening to you, it matters little that failure is the best dress rehearsal for future success.

Just getting through the debilitating feeling that attacks pride, self-esteem and confidence seems like an impossible task.

Okay, things will get better.

How do I get back and overcome my negative thoughts?

Surviving is the key thought – accepting your misfortune for now and dealing with the pain.

Anger is a waste of time and only stirs up more anger.

I’ll be back, things will be different, I will learn from my mistakes, it was out of my hands, it is a gift, I will become better for this.

One thing overlooked is all the good that happened even if the result led to a failure.

Instead of obsessing about what went wrong, start compiling a list of what went right.

Sometimes failure is based on the power of another person to impose it on you.  And sometimes it is political.

There are always more things that went right than went wrong – focus and obsess on these.

The only permanent failure is the one that accepts a judgment you do not share.

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How to be Liked Immediately

If you’ve ever seen an old black and white picture of your grandma or great grandfather, they always seem to look like they were afraid of the camera.

And they were probably very nice, friendly people.

Contrast that to any picture on Instagram or social media today and they look like they are having a good time – maybe even too good a time.

We base how we feel about people – even whether we’re going to like them or not – by our first contact with them.

Look happy, approachable and engaging and you’re off to a good start.

Look distracted (like you’ve been on your phone), concerned, overly shy or distant and that relationship is getting off to the wrong start.

DJs who smile before they turn their mic on, sound friendlier on the air.

Yes, even the sound of a smile makes you more approachable and engaging.

People invest so much money into how they look – Botox, Invisalign, makeup, an edgy haircut but nothing is cheaper or more alluring than a smile.

Wait for the other person and it may be a long wait.

You go first and watch how many people immediately engage you with a smile in return.

It’s like yawning.  Once one person does it, you do it.

I do it every day when I am with people I don’t know – smile and watch the power of going first.

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