How to Forgive

Amit Sood is a remarkable man.

A physician at Mayo Clinic, Chair of the Mind and Body Initiaitve and Associate Professor of Medicine.

I have never seen a better case made for forgiving others than Dr. Sood makes in 14 pearls of wisdom.

I am anxious to share my discovery with you.

How to Forgive:

  1. Consider forgiveness a life long process. Quick fixes are not likely to work.
     
  2. It is okay to be selfish in forgiveness.  You forgive because you wish to heal and stop the pain.
     
  3. Broaden your worldview to include imperfections.  Include the existence of evil which we must face in our lives.
     
  4. Try to understand other’s actions.  See things from the other person’s point of view.
     
  5. Consider forgiveness as an opportunity.  Take this as an opportunity to grow rather than hamper your progress.
     
  6. Exercise the privilege to forgive as soon as you recognize the need for it.  Nurture the intention to forgive.
     
  7. Forgive gracefully without creating a burden on the forgiven.  Don’t use forgiveness to advertise that others have been wrong.
     
  8. Forgive before others seek your forgiveness.  Forgiveness is for you not for them.
     
  9. Look forward to forgiving.  Do not consider forgiveness a burden.
     
  10. Extend your forgiveness to what even may transpire in the future.  If you can forgive and accept future annoyances you have inoculated yourself against future suffering. This does not mean you will allow indiscretions.
     
  11. Praying for others increases your ability to forgive them.
     
  12. Prevent future situations where you may have a need to forgive.  Lower expectations, clearly communicate these expectations, keep an attitude of internal acceptance or disappointment if these expectations are not met.
     
  13. Lower your expectations.  Low expectations avert disappointments.
     
  14. Have a low threshold to seek forgiveness that is not just about forgiving someone else. Seek forgiveness from others if you think it is reasonable and might help.

“The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong” – Mahatma Gandhi

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The Cancer Beater

Bill Taylor showed up unexpectedly at my recent media conference.

I was worried about the flu.

He had just had a session of chemotherapy for a hereditary cancer that was recently diagnosed.  

Earlier Bill apologized for having to skip this year’s event but he changed his mind and brightened my day and that of those who he encountered by showing up to participate as usual.

There’s a new book called Picture Your Life After Cancer, which deals with the process of living life after a cancer diagnosis.

No one wants this dreaded disease, but it is remarkable the number of people who turn cancer into a positive way to live life in the present – the way we all must.

But why wait?

  • Focus on enjoying even the smallest things in life.
     
  • Do what you have put off – take that trip, spend time with your family, set another goal.
     
  • Being forced to live one day at a time is not a direct result of the disease, it is exactly how everyone else – healthy or not – must live their lives, too. They just may not know it yet. 
     
  • Optimism is as important as medicine, which is why almost to a person cancer patients are so positive, so determined.

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things”  — Robert Brault 

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  • @Ted Kelly Thank you Ted.  All the best for your aunt.  Maybe someday in the future your travels will take you to Scottsdale for our media happening

  • Jerry-  My Aunt Chris, a former Program Director and voice over talent is recently a strong and courageous survivor.  She is aware of your work in and for the industry and I am sure this article will be something she will enjoy.  We all appreciate your work and comments for life.  Sorry I couldn’t make your event this year, I know how valuable it is for all of us, from having the honor to speak before your group back in 2000.  Continued success and best wishes and health to Bill Taylor too! TK

Momentum

Did you see what a power failure did to the Super Bowl game?

Everything was going along great for the Baltimore Ravens when the lights went out.  That was 33 minutes for them to stand around and think about how close they were to winning the Super Bowl over the San Francisco 49ers.

And the 49ers who were losing by 28 to 6 when the power failed, had a lot of time to realize that they were running out of time to put some points on the board.

Golfers hate to wait because then they have too much time to think.  Their muscles react differently and their minds can lose focus when they have to wait for the group in front of them to move along.

Time is always an asset.

Momentum goes to the person or people who can use that time to stroke the fires of positivity and not let in the doubts of fear.

I used to take my kids to the Flyers hockey games in Philadelphia and sit them on my lap observing with them what often happens on the ice when a team rolls up a comfortable lead.

It gets too comfortable.

And the other team uses the lack of time to make something positive happen – anything.

In our lives, momentum changes constantly.  When we feel like we’re on a winning streak, nothing can seem to stop us.  And when everything is going badly, it seems things will never get better.

Time is on your side when you don’t think too much about failing.

Just trying harder.

Which is why there are so many upsets and near upsets in sports and why people confuse too much time for too many fear thoughts.

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Super Bowl Challenge

The Super Bowl is a time for parties and social gatherings that are as big as the event itself.  It’s a great time to try out a few new skills: 

  1. Try talking to one or more people about themselves and not you.  You’ll see that the fewer words you say, the more the other person will like you.
     
  2. Text in private while at social events – the bathroom, the corner away from people, outside.  For a few hours, try to be all-in by focusing attention on the others you meet.  I like texting a lot, but it is ignorant to text at a social event.
     
  3. If you’re not good at names, try this:  meet someone new?  Hear their name and repeat it frequently in conversation.  See how good it makes them feel and you.
     
  4. Follow up with a note, a card, a text or a Facebook message to people you have enjoyed and don’t forget the person whose hospitality you relied upon for a good time.

I’ll have a lot of time to practice these skills again this year as The Eagles will be socializing like me instead of playing football.

Thanks for sharing my pieces that touch you with others.

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Managing Criticism

When I was a radio program director in Philadelphia, a listener visited the station to complain. 

Not about the programming, but the fact that because of a war injury that required a metal plate in his head he couldn’t turn the station off in his head.

You see, there was an array of broadcast towers next to our studios and unfortunately he lived next to them.

I never forgot that man because in many ways we are all like him when we let people into our heads 24 hours a day.

Sometimes it’s nice but too often the messages we carry around and repeat over and over are hurtful and unproductive.

Here’s what I do:

  1. I picture a digital recorder like the one on my iPhone sticking out of my forehead.  It records everything that I hear in life.  But only I can record on it. No one else gets to push the button.
     
  2. Even compliments are not allowed directly in – I appreciate them and record them in my own brain as validating good traits I know I have.
     
  3. There are no messages in my brain that I have not recorded.
     
  4. The only time a fault is worth pointing out is if you record it yourself otherwise it is unfiltered criticism.

If we reinvent the way we talk to ourselves, others will take their rightful places in in our lives and we will constantly feel good about who we are.

Thanks for sharing my pieces that touch you with others. 

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  • Jerry has taught me lots of things stories like this are a small taste