Recovering from Hurt

Don’t become the person who has hurt you.

Never allow them to get you so upset that striking back is more important than pulling away.

Letting someone in so close has risks and rewards.

The hurt will lessen, the friendship may be damaged but you don’t have to keep coming back for more.

Erase the hurtful thoughts, repeating them becomes permanent damage.

Above all, self-love is a counterbalance to people who for one reason or the other fail to treat you with love and consideration.

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Making Sense of the Virginia Beach Shootings

Mister Rogers (Fred Rogers) in his own gentle but authentic way offered advice for children to deal with horrific things that happen in our world.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” 

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Making Your Own Luck

Education is the only thing that people want the least of for their money.

How many classes am I allowed to miss? 

Once you get the job, it becomes just a job.

Looking forward to hump day, long weekends, vacations. 

The best grades don’t always get the best jobs and the most money.

Luck only takes you so far, then you have to manufacture your own good luck.

The hardest worker wins.

Luck is a result of a good plan and hard work.

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An Easier Way to Live in the Present

You can watch the highlights in minutes instead of hours.

There is always a reset button.

Everything can be fast-forwarded.

Social media sites focus on just seconds of engagement at a time.

YouTube viewers make decisions on what to watch in less than 10 seconds – usually far less.

So how are we supposed to live in the present when there are so many shortcuts?

We learn a lot from real time experiences.

Sometimes “suffering” through the entire game makes us appreciate the victory more.

It doesn’t take meditation to live in the now.

Sometimes it means not taking the many shortcuts we now have.

I am always amazed when I visit Longwood Gardens, the DuPont arboretum on the Pennsylvania/Delaware border.

Phones are used for taking pictures of the fauna and flora, less texting.

Strangers talk to each other.

Long walks in the meadow allow people to be alone with their thoughts.

Take a new way to work and call it meditation.

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Controlling Anxiety

99% of what we fear or worry about will never happen.

99%.

The fear is almost always worse than what we’re afraid of.

Getting control of anxiety thoughts out of the gate when we first have them is a way to get ahead of what is likely to turn out to be an unlikely fear.

If someone told you, you have a 1% chance of having your anxieties actually play out you might be a lot less worried from the start.

Focusing on that 1% gets a jump on controlling anxiety.

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The Happiness Myth

That it will descend upon us like a butterfly because we deserve it.

It doesn’t really work that way.

We are responsible for our own happiness.

Happiness is generated from gratitude.

Gratitude for little things.

Even winning the lottery gets old (and the money disappears) but repeated small steps of appreciation accomplish basically the same thing.

The wealthy are psychiatrists’ best customers because money alone cannot buy happiness.

Staring at our phones will not make us happier, but social interaction with others face to face does – it’s a choice.

Here’s a re-set:

There is always someone worse off than how I feel today so I will be grateful. 

We have to be open to happiness or we will focus on what we don’t have instead of what we are grateful for. 

Pick a person every day to appreciate (it can be the same person tomorrow).

Money doesn’t equal happiness – how much of your life, then, is in pursuit of money?

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The Attitude That Makes You Love Work

Barry Trotz is a Stanley Cup winning hockey coach.

Last year he won it directing the Washington Capitals.

This year he took over the New York Islanders and helped lead a young team into the playoffs.

Trotz could honestly say he enjoyed the year — this one even when he didn’t winthe Cup.

“I always tell my kids find something you enjoy and you never work a day in your life”.

People often hate their jobs, dislike their bosses and want better pay – not a prescription for happiness.

It’s never too late to find something you really like to do and get paid for it.

Today’s a good day to begin.

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Dealing with Irritations

I commute to New York City.

Turnpike.  Congested city traffic.  1010 WINS.  Waze. Hidden police radar.

I don’t like traffic delays and irritations so I think of my students who will bring their fresh faces and tons of optimism to class as my reward.

The destination is worth much more than what it takes to get there.

Obsessing over impediments ruins everything.

Seeing the reward in your mind’s eye helps deal with the irritations of getting there.

Anticipating the reward in life makes the journey more bearable.

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Talking Yourself Out of the Fear of Failure

If I look bad or worry about being embarrassed, I will think about how great it will feel to overcome that, too.

I fear the unknown but the unknown can also be my friend. 

I don’t want to let anyone down but I can promise them 100% effort trying.

I’ll feel worse if I let fear thoughts into my head when I am trying to succeed.

It’s temporary.

I have lots of company – everyone fails, but winners deal with it and move on.

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How Warren Buffett Makes Tough Decisions

The 88-year old Buffett calls it the “newspaper test”.

How would you feel about any decision if you knew it was going to be written up in the local newspaper the next day?

Buffett adds it would be “written by a smart but pretty unfriendly reporter” and everyone in your life — family, friends, everyone – would read it.

“If [the decision] passes that test, it’s okay. If anything is too close to the lines, it’s out.”

Buffett credits his father for making him aware of his “inner scorecard”.

But people often live by their “outer scorecard”.

In other words, reputation is everything and the ultimate guide to doing what’s right when making tough decisions.

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