Sports figures have the benefit of deciding how long they want to work for the teams that they are on.

Their agents pursue the next opportunity and at the end of each contract, a reassessment takes place.

But most of us never reassess what we have accomplished or what we want to do next.

And we don’t place a dollar value on our skills.

Become a free agent and change that up.

• When a player goes through salary arbitration, the arbitrator generally assesses what players with similar skills and accomplishments are worth in the marketplace.   We need to do the same thing.  Discover what people with your skills and experience are making and average their salaries together to get to your real worth.
• Working in a job and never checking to see if there is a better position will ultimately lead to unhappiness and possibly unemployment.  Every year, take a week or more to get away from the workaday world and ask this question:  “Do I want to continue what I am doing in this job for another year?”  If the answer is yes, commit in your mind to giving 100% for the next 12 months.  If the answer is I don’t know or no – look for alternatives while you are employed.
• When assessing what you want to do don’t be limited by your education or skills.  Dream on.  Catch the dream and follow it. You can always get the education and/or skills to pursue it but without a dream, you’re just going to wind up in another job.  Life is too short to spend the majority of your day doing anything but feeling great.

When we become a free agent in our careers, we tend to confirm our current commitments or get the motivation to pursue something else.

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Facebook friends aren’t real friends.

Instagram followers aren’t real friends.

A real friend is not someone we collect, but someone we respect.

• A friend never conducts a relationship exclusively over digital and social media.  The reward of a friendship is in experiencing the now.
• A real friend doesn’t have to remind themselves to reach out because real friends are always thinking of those who are important to them.  My best friend and I always knew when too many days had gone by without meaningful contact.  We knew and we acted.
• Real friends do not judge.  If the Pope can say, “Who am I to judge?”, what is our problem?
• Real friends always ask what they can do for us, not what we can do for them.  And vice versa.
• A real friend is never jealous or envious – friendship does not thrive in this atmosphere.
• A real friend is always there, always cares and stays connected in meaningful ways.

The difference between a friend and an acquaintance is values.

Maya Angelou breaks down the difference like this:

“Most people really don’t become friends. They become deep and serious acquaintances. But in a friendship you get to know the spirit of another person; and your values coincide. Friends may disagree, but not about serious matters. A friend will stand for you when you are no longer able. A woman can say to herself, “If I die, I know that my friend, my sister friend will be here to hold up the banner.” Now that’s very profound”.

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Here’s a follow-up to my piece last week titled “Dealing With Rejection”.

Tools to nip rejection in the bud.

• Compassion is the best weapon against shamers.  Think, “I feel sorry for anyone who has to resort to (insert here)”. Understanding how terrible it must be to resort to shaming gives you the power to resist it.
• Shamers are often guilty of that which they project onto others. This puts the insults in their proper place – out of your mind.
• Shame or rejection is more effectively dealt with as soon as they are recognized. Often, rejection is internalized as a defense but this delay actually makes everything feel worse.
• No one gets to shame us – not even ourselves. Shame is a tool used to control others. When you feel shame, remember that someone is trying more to control you than to persuade you.

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There isn’t one thing we can do to be more popular, more desired at work or more loved in life that is more effective than to become a better listener.

Not one thing.

Some people have it in their DNA to be good listeners.

The rest of us need to work on it because it makes all the difference in the world.

• Talk less.  When we’re talking we can’t listen as intently.
• Respond to what you hear instead of going off on your own version of the story.
• Ask questions and actually listen to the responses.
• Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
• Catch yourself every time you use the words “me” or “I” – self-absorption never sits well with others.
• Repeat that which you want to remember two times in your mind for the best chance of remembering it.
• When the other person is interrupted, burn into your brain the last thing that they said at the time they were interrupted by someone other than you so when they lose their place, you can show how intently you were listening by reminding them where they left off.

Even improving in one of the above areas begins to make a difference.

In a self-absorbed world it’s easy to get away with talking about yourself and that which interests you.

But for the many benefits that come from being a good listener, remember that we were given only one mouth but two ears – the better to use them.

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Maybe our Instagram photos are not liked.

Or our ideas are dismissed at work meetings.

Perhaps friends or loved ones make us feel badly because they are not available to spend time with us.

Life is full of rejection.

Rejection can also trigger physical symptoms.  The same area of the brain that feels physical pain is the part that experiences the pain of rejection.  And, yes, Tylenol, for example reduces the pain of rejection in studies.

Pain of rejection can be relived more intensely than physical pain.

Rejection can increase our tendency toward anger and aggression.

It temporarily reduces our IQ.

I knew rejection was bad but I didn’t know it was this bad until I read the evidence from Guy Winch, PhD.

You can imagine what losing your job can do to the pain of rejection.

The best way to deal with rejection is to reject the shame associated with it.

Shame is the universal feeling that results from rejection.

Be on the lookout for shame and zap it before it zaps you.

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People who meet and interact with family and friends at least three times a week have far less depression than those who have only virtual contact.

That includes telephone, email or social media (University of Michigan study).

In other words, we crave in-person interaction but we’re getting less of it than ever.

As we say in Philadelphia, who don’t know that?

We don’t need a research study to be convinced that looking a person in the eyes and enjoying them in the present is medicinal.

So what’s the holdup?

Maybe a few ideas would help.

• No phones at mealtime – and adults are bigger offenders than children so be advised.
• It’s not how long you spend interacting with others.  It’s how long you are actually present in conversation.  Many people are put off because they don’t have the time for one-on-one interaction, but length of time does not matter.  Focus does.
• Add a new face every week.  Get to know someone – even if you never see them again.  Expand your world, give the gift of being present.

In the end, no one will ever wish they had spent more time on a digital device but they will regret the time lost living in the present with loved ones, friends and interesting people.

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60 percent of pedestrians are distracted when walking usually because of their cellphone.

These people – or should I say we – are populating emergency rooms because they are being hit by cars.

The number of pedestrians hit by vehicles while they are walking and talking or looking at their cellphones has grown six-fold.

Surprise:  half the injuries occurred to deadwalkers while walking and talking in their homes.

More than two-thirds of the injured are women.

Half were under 40.

77% of us think it’s okay to be a deadwalker according to a recent Pew study.

All of this gives me an opportunity to say our phones are devices that enhance our lives but when we let them take us out of the present more than just getting into an accident can occur.

We miss out on life.

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Choose a job you love.

If you’re not loving your present job and suffer from paralysis because you need an income to support your family, you will never be happy until you find your dream job.

The 85-yeat old Buffett worth almost $73 billion sure doesn’t need the work.

Buffet says, “I’m tap dancing to work every day. There’s nothing more exciting than to get there. It doesn’t get better than that.”

And here is how to take Warren Buffet’s advice.

Choose something you would do if you didn’t need the money.

Find what you love to do and get someone to pay you to do it.

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I was in New York last week looking forward to lunch and the waiter greeted us with “What can I do for you”.

I couldn’t resist shooting back “Tell me the meaning of life”.

And he said – without a moment’s hesitation – “To love and be loved”.

I jotted it on my phone.  I can remember that more than the meal I ate because not only is he right but if he is – many of us are in big trouble.

We’re too worried about making money.

Handling the stress in our lives.

Dealing with difficult people.

All the money in the world is meaningless if we cannot remember that we’re on this earth first and foremost to love and to be loved.

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Almost nothing is more detrimental to self-esteem than being fired, laid off or furloughed.

After all, we spend most of our time at work so when suddenly we’re out, we’re not exactly thinking how great it feels.

And this negative thinking has implications for finding our next opportunity.

• Your first thought should be – the most successful people on this planet were fired at least once!  (Write it down. Post it on the refrigerator so you will never forget).
• There is no shame in being fired unless something illegal has taken place.  Otherwise, keep the temptations to shame yourself out of it.  And it is not the place of others to have so much influence that they can shame us.
• Take time off to process what happened.  Thinking of only the bad ending is not fair to you.  Also remember all the good that you’ve done for the company.
• Nothing increases self-esteem like writing a new resume.  Do this as soon as you have a positive view of the future.
• There has been more firing since the great recession due to economic reasons and cutbacks.  This should not reflect negatively on you.
• See vividly in your mind’s eye as vividly as possible the next job you want and pursue that and only that.

My communications professor in college told parent’s night (of all times) that if your sons and daughters are not fired four or five times, they are not in the media business.

Even though the parents were aghast, the professor was correct.

What he failed to mention is that each firing had its positive purpose.

Losing one’s job can be transformative.

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